I want to text you. So instead I will just write on here! Ooooooh self control!
I just want to tell you that I love you, still. But there is no point and it’s really, really inappropriate now because of our situations. And helpful Tumblr keeps telling me ‘If he cared, he would contact you’, which while helpful, is kind of painful at the same time.
So I don’t know. There is so much I want to tell you, but I’m not sure how to say it, or if you would care. And I’m scared to say anything because you are so bad at replying, if you gave me one of your thoughtless answers (which you always seem to apologise for later, like you don’t know how to THINK at the time and just write whatever rude, unemotional thing comes to mind) it would just make me feel worse that I had caved and contacted you.
Maybe you are sitting there thinking, ‘If she cared, she would contact me.’
Cranky brain says that you aren’t. Makes me feel better because then I can be bitter and hate you, instead of sitting here wanting to tell you I still love you. And I miss you.
Whatever.
Some things are just complicated beyond reason. That’s you for me. Because I love you, but I don’t want you in my life anymore. I’m not ready to let you exist for me again. Yet.
